January 27- Manila, Philippines
This blog post is about conversation pieces with my brother about anything under the sun. Our opinions are solely our own.
M: Hey! It’s been a while since we did our mini series of talk. I missed this!
Y: I missed this too, how have you been?
M: I just finished my 2 day fast with Malen (my sis in law). It was supposed to be a 5 day fast but a lot has been going on. We were not able to finish it.
Y: It is still great that you have done a 2 day fast I can’t even do that.
M: You can fast anything apart from food- social media, meat consumption, negative thinking, complaints. Anything that will help you attain a quality of life. I have already given up soda and powdered drinks. They contain a lot of sugar. I am limiting my intake of gluten, processed food and milk. As much as possible I will only eat pizza, burger, fast food and ice cream every 2wks. haha We will see about that haha
Y: Why are you doing this?
M: I want to improve the quality of my life – physical, mental, spiritual and emotional. So many people have already died at 30 yrs old and will only be buried at 85. I am really afraid of getting sick and I don’t want to spend so much money on illnesses that I could have prevented.
Y: Such a powerful note. Seems like you are a totally different person now. I will try fasting sex. Haha
M: haha tell me about it once you are done.
Y: Before I move into the sex conversation. I want to know what are your 2021 touchstones?
M: I want to become more honest, to welcome uncertainty, less judgment with people around me, to lean more into fear, less complaints, be more compassionate, to separate myself from expectations, show more empathy, to be more curious, let go of old stories, steer with gratitude, more conversations with family, open myself to more joy and to love without conditions. I realized that the more I have less judgement with people around me, it is easier to accept that it’s not personal. Their reactions towards situations are not because of me but because of them. It is quite liberating.
Y: Such a powerful touchstone! I have quite a few as well like more conversations with our family, more honesty, letting go of fear, to be more curious and loving without expectations. You have told me from the very moment you landed in the Philippines you planned to make less complaints because everyone was already complaining.
M: Yes, and when I did that it was a smooth process for me. The people around me were so friendly, they really took care of me. My hotel was really amazing – the people at the hotel were amazing too. I had my swab test result just in time for Christmas with Lewdan.
Y: I totally agree with less complaints. I am just really glad you are with kuya (older brother) now. I hope we can have the three of us in your blog soon.
M: I am planning that too. Let’s do that!
Y: Looking forward! Anyway, going back to the topic of sex haha, can you tell me more about your experience with it?
M: What do you want to know about that? If you are asking how many sexual experience I had, I lost count at 1. Haha
Y: Haha me too! What I’d like to discuss today is about sex and relationships.
M: Sex is a very complex subject. I think the willingness of your partner to enjoy sex and try different things in bed with you are two of the greatest things you could do for each other. There are other factors that help relationship last but I could agree that if the sex is bad that is 80% of the relationship.
Y: Well, what if you wanted anal sex but your partner does not like that? Would you be mad that he did not like it?
M: If he shame me for liking some things in bed or he doesn’t even try to do it with me, then why are we even partners?. But if I can see how he’s trying then we can think of an alternative. People are so quick to judge this type of behavior that is why so many couples find people somewhere else. I truly believe that you play different roles in bed. Play, there is no harm in trying. Unless it really hurts your feelings then don’t do it.
Y: I have seen people who dive into open relationship because of this to also avoid infidelity.
M: I have separate topic on infidelity in my blog but some of the people I know, it works for them but some are fucked when they have found out their partners were not telling them the truth of fucking someone else. So, it does not really work for everyone. There is still always beauty in normal sex and monogamy for me. Some people don’t see sex as a big deal as long as there is no emotional involvement. There may be no feelings attached for a random fuck, but there is plenty of meaning to the fact that it happened.
Y: Will you be willing to engage in an open relationship?
M: Hmm to be honest, I’d like to try monogamy now. I remember before that because I was dating too much, I no longer wanted to settle down. Why would I want to be with just one guy when there were others who could give me some of what the other one couldn’t give? And that feeling sucked for sometime because I couldn’t choose and at the same time the guys were hurt too. I moved on so quickly and was not aware of what I truly wanted before. I decided to take a break in the middle of 2019 in dating men.
Y: Wow that would really be very hard for me to be very honest. I can’t even focus in one guy how much more to two. haha
M: Well, based on my experience regarding dating more than one, it was exhausting. You will always like one more than the other. Timing was quite hard too because you have to divide your attention. haha
Y: Haha holy shit! You were not dating before when we’re younger and you took the dating space by storm when you were out there.
M: I needed to experience what I missed haha
Y: Oh my God, this is so funny because remembering you before you were like this girl who stayed for a virtual relationship for 9 months to a guy you have never met..
M: Exactly! I will never do that now haha what the fuck was I thinking before? I have less self respect and confidence before gosh! But it’s still funny now looking back at those times.
Y: I am glad that you are enjoying being single! Maaan, there are people who stayed in relationships that are not really worth their time. Btw, I really love your No bullshit guide in dating! Woohoo! Go girl!!
M: haha Thanks my pretty sissy! :p I have people who asked me about those principles too. Those principles were tried and tested. I have been doing those for the past 2 years. I even had scripts I wrote to check if it worked on my dates haha! I truly believe in having a mission. It will make you reach the destination. You just really have to trust the process because you will get to know life is really beautiful.
Y: Thanks for sharing. I really like reading your blogs and it was very honest.
M: I always promise myself that I am going to be honest – to my family, friends, my partner and especially to myself. I was not aware and I was emotionally immature before. I did not know what I wanted. I was a doormat – who cannot stand up for what she believed in. I was not assessing what was happening that’s why I ended up shocked in the end when patterns have changed.
Y: I believe that honesty is the best policy hahaha and I just want you to know that whatever happens, you have my back. :p
M: Awwww, thank you and you have mine too.
Y: Anyway, I am glad you are trying to improve. I am doing that as well. But let’s get back into the topic of what I really love – sex.
M: Haha, I know. What do you want to know more about it?
Y: Any thoughts on threesome, orgy and other BDSM stuff
M: Have you tried one of those? Haha
Y: No, I haven’t and I am not open to that
M: It is funny you asked that because I was searching for answers before regarding those kinks. I thought before those were my fetishes since I have dreamt of threesome when I was 25 yrs old but I realized that it was because I did not feel loved before so having multiple partners would make me feel loved. Omg, the adventure I had of talking to couples for threesome, joining a fetish group, talking to a masseur for a sensual massage hahaha. However, the plans did not push through. I actually did not like how I felt through the process. At first, it was really scary – talking to people I barely knew and planning things I have never done before gave me the chills. I heard really out of this world stories coming from the people I have met in the journey. But, I don’t judge them. I think it is still fun trying to do those things in your life haha
Y: Was this the person you told me you were thinking of paying for a massage?
M: Yes, and when I talked to him in person I changed my mind. I just felt like I could ask any guy to do a massage for me for free and whom I was attracted to. They just told me, it was just a different experience when you pay someone so I just wanted to try that. However, I have learned that there is still beauty to just sticking with what we call normal sex. There is so much to explore with your partner without asking for another in the bedroom.
Y:I have met people who are so into this and it works for them. But I totally agree that monogamy and normal sex are not boring!
M: I feel that it is just all of these (threesome, polyamorous and open relationships) are just a phase.
Y: Holy shit, you were on a roll. haha If you had done that you would have blogged those too.
M: Actually yes. But I can only blog about the process of trying to have those experiences.
Y: You really have to be careful in these type of things
M: I know, I am don’t worry about it. I have stopped 🙂
Y: Good! I’d like to explore more on infidelity but you told me earlier you have a separate blog on it. When are you going to release that?
M: I’d probably release that next week. I am really quite busy with a lot of stuff right now especially with my fitness journey. But to give you some background, if you want to look at your boyfriend’s phone just randomly ask him to open it for you and scroll it. Because any guy/girl who is not hiding from you will not make a big fuss about it.
Y: Oh wow, really? Haha
M: Yes, usually the people who tell me that they don’t mind their partners phone and never ask because they trust them- their partners are cheating with them! haha
Y: Is this a trust issue?
M: I know that you just trust them but of course if you are crazy looking at his phone all the time then that would be a trust issue. But if you just randomly check because you feel you wanted to, they should not be hesitant to show the phone to you. If you did not mind asking because you are afraid of the truth then that would be a big problem. If my partner asked me to show my phone to him, I will do that. I will not be even mad if he felt that he just needed to check. I am more concerned of how he feels and making him feel better is my priority. I will not shame him for that.
Y: Gosh, haha. I will wait for your infidelity blog then.
M: Me too! I have some phrases ready.
Y: Cool! You are quite a busy girl but not busy online. I only see you posting your walk adventures with Malen.
M: Yes, I actually limit myself in checking too much social media. I am creating a lot of new habits.
Y: I support you 100%. Alright! That’s it for me now, I am really sleepy. I love you. Speak again soon.
M: Alright. I love you too. Good night.