“He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

Disclaimer: All views expressed on this blog are my own based on my experience and do not represent of any entity with which I have been, am now or will be affiliated

For Christian,
who gives my life an extra dimension. Danke, meine liebste.😈

My why for this blog: to expand my experience more so that I can live my life as soon as I can.

Batangas, Philippines
March 10, 2021

When I was 30 years old, just starting out to date after a failed relationship, something happened that changed my life. I was so obsessed with understanding men, where and how I can meet the right guy for me, what can I do better to find him – because I believe finding him would make me the happiest person on earth. And so, I began my dating experiment – it is one of the courageous moments of my life.

I always hear questions on where to find someone to date. I also hear a bunch of excuses of why they can’t find the guy – because of being single is a choice, all men are gays, I go out a lot but the guys don’t approach me, all men are taken, all men are cheaters, I have a lot of pimples, I am not financially free yet, I am so fat etc.

We strive for perfection before we do something to our lives. Many things worth doing are worth doing badly. I realized that all my excuses were bunch of gibberish. Men are everywhere and I can meet them anywhere. And I don’t have to have the perfect lines to say, perfect face, perfect life. I just have to improve my emotional life – how I feel about myself and others. I just need to be happy enough and I will attract people because of how I feel about myself.

I have written all the things I wanted for my guy and I have worked to become those. And I soon realized towards the process, it was never about finding him, it was something else entirely that I have discovered.

We will meet people in this world with different mindsets. The people who would think that in order to meet a guy, you have to wait. And the others, it’s about stretching yourself to learn something new, taking risks, and developing yourself.

Everyone has a role model, someone who can point the way at some critical moments in my life. The men I have met have become my role models. Understanding them helped me to figure it out – to change my mindset that could turn all my rejections to gift.

I am going to share my dating experiments – where I meet people, developed my interests and my values.

Location of this experiment: Singapore

1. Bus – “What time is it?

The first time I have the courage to approach a guy was to ask a favor – and it was to ask what time it was haha I did not focus on the outcome of whether it worked out or not. I just did took the risk. It was so uneasy at first asking what time it was but I have developed my confidence just by asking a favor but never expecting anything from that. I felt like I can do anything after the approach. I felt so free. πŸ˜‰

2. Hawker/restaurants/bars – “Is this seat taken?”

Every time I feel my heart skipped a beat because I was nervous, then it was the perfect time to be courageous, that it’s time to move. Move and talk to that guy right there. You think he is cute? Go talk to him. So that’s what I always did. My line – Is this seat taken? Do you mind if I sit here? Even though there were a lot of vacant seats haha. I can’t tell you how many people I have met in here. Some of them I found out they have girlfriends, they were already moving out of the country, they were just a tourist or simply they are single. What if I did not do that? I’d probably will never know these things. I’d probably regret that maybe the right guy was just there waiting for me right?

3. Gym – Can you help me with this?

Asking a favor works every time, sometimes I pretended I did not know how to use an equipment and they were very happy to help you πŸ™‚ I had so many memories of finding good friends here too. I always go to more male dominant class and heck I even flirted with an instructor but nothing happened though πŸ˜‰ almost, but never enough haha

4. Parks – Good Morning and Smile

There are a lot of good looking men working out. If you value health, go to places where people works out or play a sport. So whenever I run or walk, I smile and say good morning (may it be a girl or guy), they smiled back and responded. It works all the time and even the men who were cycling πŸ˜‰ If they didn’t- so what? they were running anyway πŸ˜‰ When I get rusty I go for a run and smile. I will never know unless I try.

5. Clubs

If you are not the party/sociable personality it’s fine to skip the club. But I have a lot of fun here with friends. If I want to meet men I come in early because if I come in very late they are already very drunk.

6. Library/coffee shops/cafes – read a book, ask for their names, how their day was, adding value

I thought I couldn’t find people here but if you are into smart men and you love reading. Read somewhere whether it is in library, coffee shops and cafes. I met people here actually – in the library though you can’t talk loudly haha. But cafes – I also don’t talk to men but I talk to the managers, cashiers, servers and get their names. In that way, I am practicing how I talk to people. Making them feel good is one of the goals I had during this experiment. So when I find someone attractive talking is just really easy.

7. Church/church events

I am not religious although I believe there is a greater power watching over me. But if you are looking for people with the same beliefs, this is a perfect spot. I went there in 2018 but stopped.

8 Events/concerts/community/volunteer/join a class went to the events that interest me, value driven, expand your skills and learn more

When I get rusty and I needed to practice my social skills, I go to events (cooking, networking, volunteering). I have met a lot of friends here. I have practiced talking to a lot of people here and expanded my experiences because of them too. I love volunteering because it exposed me to people who have the same values I was looking for a guy. I also love joining communities (running, sports, dancing etc) because these were all the like minded people’s at. Joining a class was more enjoyable too, I always talk to the people beside me when I attend a class, may it be learning a new language or introduction to coffee – if I want to meet a guy who loves learning and curious I go here.

9. Dating Apps – don’t dwell too much on the outcome, dating burn out will happen if we focus too much on the outcome instead of living our lives.

You can still use this because the right guy might be there, maybe he tried all the other places I mentioned above and he’s wondering if his right girl might be using the app. I have met a lot of good guys here. Out of thousands men on dating apps, it is just very impossible all of them are idiots. Dating apps are valid, but don’t just use it to meet men- there are a lot of other places you can meet men. Don’t dwell too much on texting, meet them or have a phone call first to check if you really like talking to them and to avoid wasting time.

10. Workplace/Lift/escalator – I love the lift haha; don’t forget the eye contact

I like the workplace to meet people. I have built good relationships with my colleagues here. And the lift and escalator were the best if I wanted to work on my eye contact. I have the best flirtatious eye contact in these areas haha.

11. Airport/airplane/travel – read a book and talk to the person beside you

I always read a book whenever I travel and if I happen to sit beside a guy I find attractive or even anyone, I smile and they always ask what I was reading and that started our conversation. I love planes πŸ˜‰ When I go traveling, I join tours so I can meet more people and there I talked and flirted. I have met a lot of people from just talking about the place we were at- some of them became my friends.

From all the experiments I had, I have learned that I must first bare my flaws for the world to see. They lose their power over me, allowing me to live my life with more honesty and intention. And when you fix yourself, the people you meet and date become more functional. They can see their own flaws and be responsible to them. For sure, there are mistakes and bad decisions scattered across the landscape but that’s okay. My failures make the best parts of me.

Christian

September 2019, and yet an opportunity did arise. It was around 4pm that I began to impart on a beach tennis journey. I don’t know anything about the sport that’s why I was there. Standing from afar, I had my eyes riveted on his fair skin as he flexed his strong arms to fix the net for the game. His brown hair blowing in the sea wind. So I told myself, I have to meet this guy and introduce myself. I wanted this guy. I don’t know where my sense of conviction came from – maybe from too much social networking haha. I just knew I wanted this guy and I need to get to know him. It wasn’t hope. It was a fact. So I went and what most captivated me was his smile – it was a warm and inviting smile. So I said “Hi, what’s your name?” He answered with his thick German accent. Hello, my name is Christian, what’s yours? I said, My name is Maria. I’m so glad to have met you I will see you later and I left without helping him there haha.

It would be months before we really have gone to a date – after so many failed attempts of flirting – from F1 event to many others. 😦

Fast forward to Sept 2020. I came back to ECP to play the sport. I thought he already left and was surprised he was part of the team again. So, when I saw his text in the group, I immediately responded so he’ll know that I was still there. I used a technique because I needed to! haha

When I saw him again for a date, my heart skipped a beat. πŸ™‚ Ha, finally! I will get what I wanted for a long time haha. He was so fresh, looking so smooth in his hairstyle. The first thing I told him was, “It’s been so long, I almost forgot how good looking you were.” haha! :p As we drove off, I couldn’t keep my eyes on the road, knowing that he was just inches away from me. My mind was rushing and I couldn’t think – for a long time I didn’t exactly know what to really say to a guy. I have been flirting for 2 years but this – this made me feel more free – more terrified – than I did that day.

Of course the following months produced countless wonderful moments, they revealed to me what it really meant to be free and thus far the happiest days of my life. And yet somehow, we parted ways due to things we cannot control. I got a great guy but as I got to know him more, I discovered he has flaws and so am I and the distance between us is a bit of a challenge. It is not easy but I am still satisfied because I have changed my mindset.

To this day, he’s the sexiest person I have ever met. I don’t know what the future holds in the next months, 2 years, 5 years from now. Whatever it is, I know that it will be deliberate and meaningful. Maybe I’ll plant crops or put up a coffee shop business in Batangas, maybe I live somewhere in Visayas – I have been wanting to go and see Cebu again, or I’ll drive and head back to Bicol again and rediscover it’s beauty from a more mature perspective. Maybe I go back to Singapore to work or find another job opportunity out of Asia. Regardless of where my journey takes me, one thing is certain right now: every morning when I wake up, I choose him.

Love,

Maria, sometimes Niskie