“Two people love each other only when they are quite capable of living without each other but choose to live with each other” – M. Scott Peck The Road Less Travelled
Part 2 with Yves
June 2020, Singapore
Y: Let’s get to know you more through this Q&A. Are you ready? haha
M: I will try to be wholesome hahaha
Y: Define sex
M: haha Oh my gosh! My favorite subject! hahaha Well, the romantics told us that you should love the person first before we have sex with them but I don’t agree with that. I believe that sex is a place where you can explore and be yourself. And if you already have feelings with the person you are doing it with, then sex becomes different. It gets deeper.
Y: Hmm, I agree with that. That’s how I define it too.
M: haha that’s why we’re family.
Y: But my concern there is that you can not have sex whenever your horny right? What if you want to be serious with the guy you are going out with?
M: Well, it’s quarantine now. I am a bit biased. Everyday is a horny day. haha there are strong relationships according to research that they had sex first on their first dates so I don’t think there are any rules with sex in dating (what comes first). But some men of course wouldn’t agree with this and that if you really want to be serious in relationship then I think we need to slow things down in that area.
Y: You sound like you don’t slow down in that area.
M: Haha! I really believe that men want to get what they have earned – so if I really want to be serious with a guy I’d think twice. I’ll try to slow things down. haha Unless, I am just having fun. I wouldn’t really care what he thinks of me.
Y: It must be very hard now that it’s quarantine. What are you doing when the need arises? haha
M: I make myself occupied. hahaha TMI if I say anything else but hmm I came prepared for this quarantine 😉
Y: Hahaha okay I know what you meant you’ve told me. So that leads me to this question. Why are you still single? hahaha
M: haha a lot of people have been asking,even dates ask me this question. And why am I finding a guy that is right for me? Am I lonely because I don’t have a partner?
Y: So why?
M: Well, I’m actually having fun. If I find the right guy, I’d think of getting serious. I will not be meeting a lot of people if I don’t want to find the right guy. Meaningful relationship is a very beautiful thing. It is worth pursuing. If I don’t have it, there’s plenty of other meaning in my life. But if I do have it, it’s a great addition to my life. I wouldn’t shut out myself of getting rejected or finding a guy just because I got burn out in the past. I would not stop doing this – creating connection because it is an integral part of who I am. It makes me happy.
Y: Beautifully said. Just like a beauty queen like me haha
M: Haha. It’s actually my template now.
Y: You should create another blog just for relationship and your dates haha
M: Haha thinking about that idea too and infidelity
Y: Speaking of infidelity, what is your take on guys pursuing you even if they are in a relationship?
M: I really value loyalty in relationship. So even though I just want to have fun, it is not worth the drama. I don’t want to become part of any people’s drama. There are a lot of men out there. Find someone who is single, it’s more exciting! haha That’s why I don’t get it when people pursue and stay for this kind of b*sht. They probably don’t have enough options haha
Y: Intense but I am proud of you for speaking your mind about that.
M: I will have separate topics on everything, you are giving me a lot of ideas. haha
Y: Yes, I’d love to read your thoughts. What do you look for in a guy?
M: Values. I am more interested on values.
Y: Not good looks?
M: Well, it’s not a priority as long as he has good hygiene haha. I like a guy who values family (I am very close to family), amiable with my friends – I like a guy who is inclusive because I have a lot of gay friends. You are gay. I once talked to a guy who doesn’t want to be around gays and that really turned me off. I can’t deal with those kind of guys. I also like him to be emotionally articulate – I can’t read minds so please speak your emotions haha. He should be kind, compassionate, understanding, values money, smart, fun and we should be compatible in bed. Adventurous and good looking are my least priorities.
Y: So he should also be close to his family? That would be hard ha
M: I understand that not all are close and he might have colorful family life but I hope he does not speak ill about them or I want to know how he sees family as a whole. I find men sexier when they talk about his family.
Y: Is sex really that important? Is size important?
M: Haha as they say, if it’s great sex that’s 20% of your relationship. If it’s bad, that’s 80% of your relationship. I really believe that I’d make my partner’s fantasies come true and I wish for him to do the same to me. And we should communicate. At least try – it’s part of the game. Be a player – it’s fun. And regarding size, I’d go for performance but if it’s a pea sized – no amount of performance can compensate. haha
Y: I am laughing so hard right now. I love this conversation. How do you define love?
M: I love the quote from M. Scott Peck The Road Less Travelled. He said there “Two people love each other only when they are quite capable of living without each other but choose to live with each other.” This is so much how I view love. It is always choosing your partner amidst anything else or circumstances. I can’t wait for that kind of love.
Y: Yes, me too! Regarding dating, what’s your take on online dating apps? Were you there before?
M: I was there 2 years ago. 2018 for 6 months. I had great dates there. Dating app is where you pool all those who want to hook up and date.If you are a very busy person and it’s quarantine, sure why not. But I already quit. Because for me, I don’t think I’d ever find love there. It’s a total waste of my time. No risks involve. I want my relationship to grow organically and not just based on the app. Talking to a guy in person and see how it goes. Seeing him on his element which makes him more interesting. Flirting, teasing – I love all those. Although this is just my take, some of my friends found their boyfriends/girlfriends there and I am very happy for them. It is still valid for some. Use the app but still meet other people elsewhere. It’s more exciting.
Y: Yes, it’s still valid for some. I totally agree – don’t just base your dating profile on just the app which leads me to my next question, what is your ideal date and who should pay on a date?
M: My ideal date would always be ending with a kiss. hahaha I like my date to be a normal one, the usual things that happen in real life. We can also do something where we both suck at. Like rollerblading haha or singing if we both are not good at those. It would really be great for teasing and flirting. Or something like Coffee, walking, kissing, holding hands. Always think of your date as a concert – don’t exhaust yourself to more than a 2-hour date. Always leave on a high. Who pays for the date should be both. You both had a great time so meaning you both wanted to see each other again. And also I want him to know that he can count on me too. That I am a team player.
Y: That is awesome. I am actually a bit sleepy now but thank you for this. I really like our conversation and looking forward to your topics. haha We should do another round of q & a just to catch up. I like this idea.
M: Haha yes! That would be lovely! I love you. Take care.
Y: I love you too. Bye