May 28, 2022
Disclaimer: All views expressed on this blog are my own based on my own experiences and do not represent of any entity with which I have been, are now or will be affiliated
In our culture, many of us idealize love. It’s cure for all life’s problems even Disney movies say that it’s an ultimate goal, the cure for all suffering. Because we idealize love, we create stories in our head before it even began and later on our relationships pay the price.
When I think about the disastrous relationships I’ve heard or seen, many of them entered the relationship in the basis of emotion – they felt the spark, they felt secured because the guy was promising her safety, they felt pressured because they are getting old.
It’s hard. We’re taught that in life, we should try to look on the bright side, to be optimistic but men are not complicated, although, we’d like to think they are. I have heard a lot of reasons coming from guys and from people who thought these mixed messages meant something else – “I’m busy”, “Things are really crazy right now”, “Texting is not used anymore” and all the blah blah blah bull shit. Men are driven by sex, although they pretend otherwise. They really didn’t want to tell you that “You are not the one”. Still, the fact remains, although, they may not be saying it they are always showing it all the time. When they have your number and they are not still calling, then you have your answer – he’s not the one for you too, girl! Find somebody else.
I have one rule now in dating – no matter what the guy’s reasons are, all I care about is my reality. I don’t base it on how I like the person, I base it in how they make me feel.
I made this blog to get these excuses out of the closet so they can be seen for exactly what they are: Really fucking lame excuses. And the more that you value yourself, the more chance of you’ll be getting it. So, you can read these excuses, have a laugh and put them to rest. We’re all worth it. I hope you find the right guy, because he will be so worth it. 🙂
1.”I’m really busy”
I’m about to make a severe relationship rule: The word “busy” is most often used by assholes. It’s a piece of garbage excuse. Don’t get me wrong, we always have busy days but remember men are not really busy to get what they want, they will find a way. They are busy doing something they thought is more important than making time with you, you are not the priority and they are not into you. So, live your life and go find someone else who gives you what you want.
2. “We are just hanging out”/”We are just friends”
There are so many variations to dating, particularly in the early stages of a relationship. So many gray areas of vagueness and no questions asked. Men love this time because that’s when they get to pretend they’re not really dating you, then they can also pretend they are not that responsible for your feelings. When someone ask you out on real date, you’re making it official: I’d like to see you alone to find out if we have a romantic future together. In case you need more clues – it actually involves public excursion, a meal and some flirty banter.
Beware of the word “friend”. It often used by men and women that love them to excuse the most unfriendly behavior. I personally like the ones who don’t make me cry myself to sleep, who fetch me and makes me feel safe, who text me and call me and of course make plans with me. Those are what I call friends. The difference between friend and boyfriend is sex. haha
3. “I just got out of a relationship”/”I’m not ready for a relationship”
Men like women want to feel emotionally protected. One way they do that is they say it, they claim it. “I’m your boyfriend” or “I’d like to be your boyfriend” A man who’s really into you is going to want you all to himself. Believe me, they do. It’s amazing feeling – it’s just before you know, I say these excuses too! hahaha
Women love waiting around for men to be ready but we always have to think we don’t have much time in this world. Of course, there is an exception- if you are 12 yrs old. When a guy tells you on a date that he is not looking for something serious, believe him, he is blatantly telling you that he will hurt your feelings if you want a relationship with him. This is also similar when you are already working and in a relationship and 2years in and a guy tells you he’s not ready, you have to assume that he’s probably not going to be ready after 6 years.
4. “He doesn’t want to have sex with me because he’s tired”/ “I invited him over but he has some plans for tomorrow”
A friend called me recently and told me that her partner doesn’t want to have sex with her for 8 months of being together. I had a visceral reaction. I was so mad to my core hearing the excuses this guy was telling my friend, all bullshit excuses. And my friend as usual was giving me excuses as to why this guy is not doing it. Sex, it’s very complex, I can write about it 24 hours in my blog. But, I know that one of the great joys in life is when you have sex. The last person who should be stopping you from enjoying that is the person you are dating. You have to learn and live it, that a man if he likes you is already taking your clothes off on your first meeting. Sure, things can get pretty slow (meaning no sex yet until you get to know each other) if your goal is long term but even then, you have a right to a fantastic sex life!!! Go have sex!!! Explore that god damn body! haha
5. “Maybe he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship”
Here’s what I learned – if a guy really likes me and excited about me, he can’t stop himself, they want more. If they are friends with someone, they are going to take it further and please he’s not scared, the only scarier to a guy is what you think of him, or if you are not attracted to him.
6. “Maybe he’s intimated by me”/”Maybe you come in too strong”
I always hear these excuses all the time. A friend of mine told me that she went to her friend’s house and their gardener was hot so she tried to flirt with him but he did not flirt back so she told me the guy must be intimidated by her because of status. It was so funny, I have never believed this concept. That gardener if he really wanted her would have flirted back even in porn this happens. So, if you think that someone is hot regardless of status, He might need a little encouragement and help that you maybe interested but he will do the work. A smile will do it. 😉
7. “Maybe he wants to take it slow”
I think I have made this as an excuse before hahaha! if a guy truly likes you, he will let you know immediately because he doesn’t want to get you frustrated and walk away – that’s the last thing on their mind. So, a guy will work on himself but still be with you. He will not let you go, he’d want you and value your happiness. I actually believe this, I get so anxious when it’s turning into something serious because I feel so exposed but if I really like the guy, I’d tell him this because he’d probably make me feel safe to do so. Please always remember that.
8: “But he gave me his number”/”He says texting is not a thing anymore”
It’s actually a magic trick of giving you a control when a guy gave you his number, but really he then gets to decide if he really wanted to go out with you or return your call. Never call this dude.
I met this guy but I didn’t hear from him after a great conversation for 4 days. He just messaged me on an app. Very typical time waster – only message when he’s bored, asked me out on a very short notice and go off the radar. I gave him my number to really check if he’s into me. And I was right, he didn’t text me and gave an excuse! haha The guy who likes me who’d make a way, he will do whatever is needed in order to get a hold of me. Texting whether it’s on WhatsApp or Facebook messenger, a guy who really wants you will not give you space to think of anyone else but him. He will call you to think that he is thinking of you. Men like to take a break from their generally mundane day to talk to someone they like. It makes them happy. This similar guy didn’t offer to drive me home when we had a drink and I was sad walking and I just remember the men who really wanted me fetch and drive me home because they make me want to feel safe – that’s the last time he’s had my time. 🙂
9. “Maybe we’re just different”
Unless you’re dating a spy, this behavior is unwarranted. I like closeness. I wanted to speak to the person I like or text him everyday or see him. I remember a guy I used to date didn’t like to text but I told him from a place of really wanting closeness and from then he texted or called me to let me know he was thinking about me when we’re not together and I already knew he care about my feelings. And just for your information, phone seems like it’s just a machine that transmits voice waves over wires. But the truth is, the phone has officially reached a new high in relationship symbolism.
10. “I prayed about you and us”
This is really funny because I had a guy who told me about this and he turned out to be a complete jerk. I was 29 and started to wonder if I could find a good person and finally, somebody said it, so I thought if he goes to church everyday and talks about God – it would probably reach a level of marriage, to have somebody and move forward. Then he cheated with multiple women and lied repeteadly.
Be careful about listening to a man who tells you God told him you are his wife because simply put, he could be the devil in disguise. Just because a guy goes to church, quotes scriptures, yells “Praise God” doesn’t mean he is of God. Unfortunately, there are men out there who are using God and spirituality as game to get women. They’re using a pro-God mask to disguise their evil intentions because they know it wins the trust of women. It’s not about his words, his actions must line up as well.
Understand that there are a lot of manipulative people living in this world and the God route is a great way to manipulate women. If a man claims to have a strong spiritual relationship with God, you need to pay attention what he does outside of the Church. Is his behavior consistent? How does he treat other people? etc
We will meet people who don’t like sex, who don’t like to text, drive you home, fetch you and be in a relationship with you. We can spend time trying to fix them and make excuses why they do what they do or we can realize that they simply don’t like the things we find absolutely essential to our enjoyment of life. No matter how powerful and real our feelings for someone, if a person cannot fully return and therefore can actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing. It’s not bad news if it helps you free yourself from a relationship that’s beneath you. Find someone who meets your standards, we don’t have much time in this world.
There are more excuses but will blog more about them next time.
Maria, sometimes Niskie